it’s been a long time since i had a relaxing and enjoyable time away from mugging madness, hellish school and all the stress schmess that comes in the Singapore Education Package (SEP), so i was hardly complaining when what was supposed to be an overnight study session at jannah’s house yesterday turned into an almost chalet-like awesomeness..

MOZOLTOV FOR YOUR EXAMZ EVERIBODI.

i’m extra enthu because um, i only have two papers.. not like the extra days for studying are of any advantage cos i spend most of them watching The Nanny and chatting online..

on another note, i’ve been feeling a little down and empty these past few weeks, and its making me restless, and making me fill the void up with comfort food constantly.. Jannah says it could most probably be because of my parents’ month long absence.. well thank GOD they are coming back in one week’s time then!

ok there really isn’t a point to my entry i should get back to studying..

i’m gonna be honest, and admit that this sem has been an utter crapola of a semester.. i’m unmotivated, i slack most of the time, i procrastinate on my datelines a lot, to the extent of being late for some, i look forward to seeing my friends more than i look forward to going for lectures (but this isn’t entirely new), i can’t even cope with 2 level 4 modules, so i’m sure gonna die next semester.. i’m trying to find a better word than “unmotivated” to describe my attitude, because frankly speaking i think that word is so cliche by now bcos i’ve been overusing it.. i’m more than just unmotivated, but i can’t seem to pinpoint to an apt description.. maybe “jaded” is the right word, but it’s still not apt enough.. and i’m currently paying for my lazinessby being awake an at ungodly hour and sacrificing my sleep to finish my readings which if i hadn’t been lazy, i would have been able to finish during the weekend.. and no, its not just the fact that i’m in 4th year and hence feeling really mundane about this routine already, it’s got to do with……….. ennui + unsettled + mundanity + a little depressed = ???

hmmmm, is it that time of the month, or a forecast of a gloomy future?

amidst all that have been going on these past few days which i have been blogging about, i can’t believe i forgot to remember and hence, make note of: the one enlightening moment when Cik Tina gave me and my sister some advice yesterday..  

this is really random but i just had to show it bcos it seemed funny AND random to me just now..

the past 3 days have all been about adjustments.. adjusting to not seeing my parents or hearing their voices for one whole month when before this, they’ve never been away from us for more than 2 days or further than Malaysia.. the only updates i’m getting from or of them so far is from my sister who has received but one sms from my mom when she arrived at Jeddah.. i don’t know why they can’t call, but i’m guessing they are really busy there right now..

this is how UNmotivated i am to do my essay:

my essay is due at 4pm today and i am still at 100 words. with absolutely no sense of panic or urgency to finish it, even contemplating the thought of handing it up on Monday or Tuesday or not at all.

Islamic Calligraphy is SUCH.A.BORING.TOPIC to write on.. sheesh why i gotta pick the lousy topics huh.

i’m going through one of those phases where i would open my closet in the morning and be extremely unsatisfied with my wardrobe, hence spending 5 to 10 minutes being undecided on what to wear, even if i’m already late for class.. the day just starts out wrongly for me if i don’t feel good with what i’m wearing or if my clothes are not ironed properly, or my tudung is not shaped nicely.. its like my clothes, and with it my fashion sense (if i have any), contribute to the creation of not only my self-confidence, but my identity as well.. i guess i’m one of those “look good=feel good”type of people, but then again, i don’t know anybody who is not like that even to the smallest extent..

anw, yeah back to my wardrobe.. i looked at some of my clothes this morning and wondered what the hell i was thinking when i first bought them, some just got boring to me because i’ve worn them so often and i wore them so often because i used to really like them.. so yeah, another one of my attributes: once i’ve bought something i really like, be it a top, a pair of jeans, a tudung or a pair of shoes, i would want to wear it so often until i get bored of it, just not everyday though.. i realise its the same for music as well but let’s not digress..

so looks like shopping is on the agenda in the coming weeks, once i’m done with deadlines.. speaking of which i should REALLY get started on my essay due this Friday..

…Honours year is making me feel like a loser…

…Honours people are making me feel like a loser…

i’m suddenly very sick of school, the competitiveness, the hierarchy of standards, the immense sucking up, the favouritism, and the cliques.. i’ve always hated that last bit..

maybe i should have just graduated.. every week i feel more and more like a dumb fuck.

a few things: