amidst all that have been going on these past few days which i have been blogging about, i can’t believe i forgot to remember and hence, make note of: the one enlightening moment when Cik Tina gave me and my sister some advice yesterday..  

this is really random but i just had to show it bcos it seemed funny AND random to me just now..

the past 3 days have all been about adjustments.. adjusting to not seeing my parents or hearing their voices for one whole month when before this, they’ve never been away from us for more than 2 days or further than Malaysia.. the only updates i’m getting from or of them so far is from my sister who has received but one sms from my mom when she arrived at Jeddah.. i don’t know why they can’t call, but i’m guessing they are really busy there right now..

this is how UNmotivated i am to do my essay:

my essay is due at 4pm today and i am still at 100 words. with absolutely no sense of panic or urgency to finish it, even contemplating the thought of handing it up on Monday or Tuesday or not at all.

Islamic Calligraphy is SUCH.A.BORING.TOPIC to write on.. sheesh why i gotta pick the lousy topics huh.

i’m going through one of those phases where i would open my closet in the morning and be extremely unsatisfied with my wardrobe, hence spending 5 to 10 minutes being undecided on what to wear, even if i’m already late for class.. the day just starts out wrongly for me if i don’t feel good with what i’m wearing or if my clothes are not ironed properly, or my tudung is not shaped nicely.. its like my clothes, and with it my fashion sense (if i have any), contribute to the creation of not only my self-confidence, but my identity as well.. i guess i’m one of those “look good=feel good”type of people, but then again, i don’t know anybody who is not like that even to the smallest extent..

anw, yeah back to my wardrobe.. i looked at some of my clothes this morning and wondered what the hell i was thinking when i first bought them, some just got boring to me because i’ve worn them so often and i wore them so often because i used to really like them.. so yeah, another one of my attributes: once i’ve bought something i really like, be it a top, a pair of jeans, a tudung or a pair of shoes, i would want to wear it so often until i get bored of it, just not everyday though.. i realise its the same for music as well but let’s not digress..

so looks like shopping is on the agenda in the coming weeks, once i’m done with deadlines.. speaking of which i should REALLY get started on my essay due this Friday..

…Honours year is making me feel like a loser…

…Honours people are making me feel like a loser…

i’m suddenly very sick of school, the competitiveness, the hierarchy of standards, the immense sucking up, the favouritism, and the cliques.. i’ve always hated that last bit..

maybe i should have just graduated.. every week i feel more and more like a dumb fuck.

a few things:

i’m hoping yesterday was that time, since it left me feeling completely mentally exhausted.. but the good part is that i’m starting to get a good grasp of the situation (i hope) and already the finishing line is drawing near so what’s left is really just preparing for peace.. you know like how the Allies knew by mid 1944 that they were going to win the war anyways and they were already discussing on the post-war order of Europe and Germany even though the battles were still being fought till 1945 but just for the sake of shoving it to Hitler’s face to make him surrender totally ok i’m starting to ramble into irrelevance but the historical analogy is mostly for the “preparing for peace” part …. ANW, i’ve always hated to be the middle person in everything but for the sake of fun laughter peace and joy i’ll have to do it just one last time on Monday, hoping that things will get better after that, and misunderstandings are cleared up. I’ve already got mine cleared up yesterday, so that’s half the battle won right?

it’s gonna be alright after this.. it always is..

yep, pretty much we’re screwed, or to quote my Histo prof, in a state of ”psychological funk”. to quote him also, in “a world of hurt”. haha.. in my head it sounds funny.. but there’s nothing funny about the current situation.. forgive me for having been so ‘chipper’ in my last few entries, but i shall continue to do so until the storm blows over or until i’ve pretty much finished funking pyschologically.. in the meantime, let me advise you on the precarious situation of having your friends as your groupmates, you can never bear to get angry when someone is not pulling his weight.. so my best take, get strangers instead. comprende? the situation is really a lot more complicated than this and there really is no point in blaming anyone including myself, which i’ve been doing for the past few days.. i just have to finish panicking for 5 mins, suck my breathe and dive into the shithole.. haha.. that sounds funny in my head too.. awesome weekend this will be..